in the moments of pure hysteria;

[Vivian Nevaeh Malfoy]

unknown date, 2022.

dear torn up book i am calling my journal, i do not have my wand, i do not have a hairtye, and i most certainly do not have a hairbrush. woe is me. i do not know where in merlins name i'm located, nor do i know why the hell i'm here, all i know is that i want a hairbrush, now. i'm really wishing i knew where i was, or what was going on, hell, i don't hear anything, and i'm even lucky i can see the tiniest bit to write. all i can say is, now, i've never missed a hairbrush this much in my life, and i'm truly scared to death, journal, pray with me someone finds me, i'm so alone.

thank you, little makeshift journal, you make me feel better.

sincerely,
vivienne narcissus malfoy

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[Vivian Nevaeh Malfoy]

unknown date, 2022.

dear ratty tatty booklet, i'm finding this place rather insane, i'm sitting on a bloody dirt floor, freezing cold due to my idiocy of wearing a thin-strapped, low-necked shirt, just because i was thinking of that one muggle song when i was dressing and what not, i think it was 'kiss the girl' from that adorable movie the little mermaid? i don't really remember, we watched it in muggle studies the other day, and that songs been in my head ever since. so, last night after writing in you, then hiding you in my boot, i dozed off on this oh so soft dirt NOT and woke up to a very rough poke in the side, which i did not appreciate, yes stranger, i'm glaring at your finger poke in my mind, where ever you may be, waking me up!

after that i was given an apple and some water, i ate the apple, but i'm smart enough not to drink the water, it could be poisoned. on the bright side, i still have my locket and my ring, so i couldn't have been taken because of draco or mum, hopefully not scorp. so why? why in merlins name am i not cuddled up to zane right now, chatting away with lily about some new thing? why am i not sleeping in the same bed as emi due to a nightmare? why the hell have i not gotten a hairbrush?!

enough why questions; i now must pray with you again, ratty journal, i pray now for a hairbrush and a gryffindor lestrange to cuddle with. i miss my bed very much. make this end soon, please and thank you. and little journal, i've decided to name you, your victoire now, in hopes for victory for what ever is to come, besides, your named after a weasley now, maybe i should color you red?

sincerely,
vivienne narcissus malfoy

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[Vivian Nevaeh Malfoy]

unknown date, 2022.

dear victoire, i miss my bed, i miss my heater, i miss my hairbrush, i miss emi, i miss gossip, i miss everything! most of all, i miss zane. i wish he was here, i wish i had gotten him to walk me to the common room, i wish this didn't happen.

away from wishing & missing, it's getting me tearful, and malfoys don't cry, unless their hamsters die, then they do. this morning i was woken up by a rough kick to the stomach, which sent me into a coughing fit, and oh look, i coughed up blood. that shit hurt. i was given another apple and another glass of water, and i'm still not becoming idiotic, i only ate the apple. i really want a toothbrush right now, though. and i really think i should've studied wandless magic a bit more, then maybe i wouldn't be in this much of a predicament.

okay, victiore, if i dont make it out, which i better be making it out, i'm still a bloody virgin for merlins sake, but if i dont, whoever reads this better tell zane cade lestrange this; he's an asshole, a cute asshole who i, vivienne narcissus malfoy, love to death, and would give anything to de in his arms at this moment and grow old with. he is my sunshine during this darkened time.

now, victiore, i pray to be saved from this hell and given a hairbrush, please and thank you, i also pray to be brought to the arms of zane lestrange soon. i'm getting close to my breaking point, a fifteen year old girl can take only so much, but hey, i'm not ordinary fifteen year old am i? i'm a malfoy, this dirty but prideful blood runs through my veins, and i'm proud of it.

sincerely,
vivienne narcissus malfoy

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[Vivian Nevaeh Malfoy]

dear victoire, oh, how long it has been since i wrote in you. i don't know why i've kept you, really, i don't. maybe if i ever want to get somebody on dalakis's ass, or maybe for my own comfort. but i'm happy i kept you, because i need you right now.

everythings changed now; the orders turning on zane because of james, our relationship is slowly drifting apart because of silly events, i'm still having horrible pains in my stomach. excuse my french, victoire, but everythings going to shit. i'm so scared of losing zane. i love him, sincerely i do, and i need him right now, but we're drifting. i'm having to search out zagen more and more after my nightmares, simply because i dont feel he'd even listen to me anymore. it scares me. i need his touch, i need his reassurance. i need him.

oh victoire, i have exciting news though; val is starting to talk in sentences, and i'm constantly hearing the word 'mumma' now. in this darkness, he, zagen, and alice are my light, their keeping me going. i could never leave my babies alone like this, and i couldn't let the weight of two children and another on the way on zagens shoulders; he doesn't deserve that.

i'm scared; so scared, in fact, that i think i might not sleep tonight. no, i am not scared of sleeping, i am scared of what will happen while i sleep; i'm scared of the possibilities of tomorrow; i'm scared of what's going to happen in my life. i need reassurance, but i have no one to go to. i need my life back; i cant go around being this shadow of myself. i'm hollow now, but nobody realizes it. i'm wearing a mask. i'm lost.

thank you for being here for me, victoire, your my solice, i cannot tell zagen this.

sincerely,
vivienne narcissus malfoy

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